My Ryder List or I Only Eat Green M&Ms

I had intended on guest blogging a fascinating expose today, examining the correlation between the rise of the sea level and the increase of reality television shows (I have some pretty powerful evidence supporting the theory that global warming is caused by Spencer and Heidi from The Hills). But upon arrival to blogger.com I was greeted by such an impressive welcome that instead I feel obligated to share my gratitude.

Erin, on behalf of your guest bloggers I would like to thank you. I thought the $5,000 research stipend and $15,000 appearance fee you've given each of us were gift enough. I'm even more grateful, though, that you managed to placate each and every one of my appearance requests. The plate of green M&Ms, silk bathrobe with "CAESAR" embroidered on the back, and collection of Tickle-Me Elmos in the greenroom were exactly what I wanted. The meth was of an exquisite quality (unless R.P. has found your blog, in which case I don't know what meth is and nobody should be curious enough to find out). When I requested a baby polar bear, I didn't think you'd have the wit or resources to get me one. But not only were you able to get one for me, but you cooked it to perfection.

Erin, you and your blogspot are a gift to us all, and I am honored to be a guest writer.

This I believe or why frozen grapes are the best dessert ever!

HELLO EVERYONE! It's Becky! It's been a while since my last guest blogging stint here at erinelan.blogspot.com. A lot has happened. For example, I have my own blog now! And, I'm living in Astoria now! And, Erin and I joined L.G.B.T and Friends Shul together! And, I'm kind of tan because I went to visit my friend who has a POOL yesterday! And, I got a new watch at target on Friday! And...yeah!

Things are going pretty well for me.


So, for this assignment I've decided to blog about an NPR show called 'This I believe'. Has anyone heard of it? Well, I heard about it one Friday night at shul with Erin. Our rabbi told us about it, and it sounded REALLY cool!

Here's a link to the show's website at npr.org:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4538138

Basically, it's a show on NPR where people (famous people or "regular folk" like you and me, that's right like YOU and ME) are encouraged to write short essays about what they "believe". The essays are then put up on the NPR website and some of them are read

What YOU "believe" can be anything. YOU could "believe" that ADIDAS sambas are the best sneakers on Earth, or you could believe that Thursday is the worst day of the week, or that AIDS is way lame.

What matters is your conviction, not your subject matter. Cool, right?

Well, after <3<3<3<3<3<3 Rabbi Kleinbaum <3<3<3<3<3 (yes, I really really love her that much) told Erin and I about 'This I believe' I decided that I would write an essay. I was GO GO GO for the idea!
Erin said she would write an essay too, though she eventually lost interest (Granted, she was asleep when I told her 'Hey Erin, I think we should both write essays about what we believe!! !!!!', and I had just broken into her apartment, and I was drunk...but whatever).

I know, it doesn't sound like Erin to lose interest in something, but it's a true story.

The problem is, I don't have a topic yet. I don't know what I "believe" in. This is where YOU come in-I want YOU to help me come up with a topic for my essay! I'm going to list some ideas that I have and then you can comment and let me know YOUR thoughts.

Here goes:

1) I believe that frozen grapes are amazing

2) I believe that naps are freedom

3) I believe that sunsets are always beautiful

4) I believe that there is beauty in everything

5) I believe that the TV show 'How I Met Your Mother' is hilarious!

6) I believe that creating art is always healing, even if you can't see it until later on

7) I believe that Manchego is the BEST. CHEESE. MMM

8) I believe that shoes really DO make the outfit

9) I believe that there's humor in everything, even if you can't see it until later on

OK, that's it for now. Catch you on the flip side!

The New Black or Mmm...Donuts....

i have rekindled my love of donuts. there. i've said it. no beating around the bush on this one, it had to be put out there.



it all started yesterday. i came into the office, and leah's son had chocolate on his mouth. naturally i was curious about where said chocolate came from, so i said,

me: raphael, you have chocolate on your mouth.

to which he replied

raphael: tee hee hee


at this point, i knew i needed in on the action. but he wouldn't share his delicious looking chocolate frosted glazed donut (with sprinkles) with me. so, i had to go get my own. luckily the donut man lives (i'm pretty sure he lives in that little booth there on the corner, right? just in case i need a donut some time during the night?) on the corner.

it was only 75 cents, and SO WORTH IT.

in fact, i was so happy with my purchase that i decided to get a donut today, too. debbie and i bought one to share, but sadly, it was terrible. i know, right? a terrible donut? it was so sad, and i realized it was because i went to a different guy from yesterday.



so, i rectified this egregious act by getting a donut from corner guy (as i've come to know him over the past two days). it was the same kind from yesterday, and delicious. debbie and i split this one, too. and i thought my craving for donuts had been satisfied.




but i was wrong.

i got another one from corner guy when becky went to get an iced coffee. and it was EQUALLY DELICIOUS.


and then i remembered that i had donuts the other day, too! on our way back from our cousin's wedding (where we embarrassingly asked a man if it was the correct wedding only to find out he was the groom and our cousin. oops!) we stopped at dunkin donuts and had the jolliest dd worker since the days when michelle worked there (and gave free munchkins to all the cute guys).


so, basically, donuts are the new black, and i'm SO into them.

i feel a little sick....

The Final Countdown or So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish

so, i'm in my final few days of "work" and i'm surprisingly saddened about the prospect of leaving. i mean, i've poured my heart and soul into this job, nurturing the trees with my very being, pruning them with my love and affection, and now i have to let them grow without me.


i'm just kidding. a more appropriate metaphor:

i work for an environmental organization that plants trees. a couple of weeks ago, we ripped the tree out from in front of our building in order to even out the pavement or some such. that's kind of how i feel about this place; rather than build upon the goodness that is here, or, you know, work with the tree out front to help it grow, we tear it from the earth and pretend it never existed.

deep, huh?



unfortunately, i kind of like some of the people who work here, though, and even though i know where they live, it will be kinda sad to not see them at work every day. my office is a lot like the show "the office" with its ridiculousness and quirky characters.

and i've learned things from being here. i've become a more well-rounded person (and not just a more rounded person, though all of the free bagels and lox does round out my physique quite a bit...) being able to juggle things like "supposed to be working" with "pretending to be working" and "just plain not working even a little bit" (which is what i'm mastering right now). i've also learned how to tell people i'm busy when i'm not because i don't want to do the work they have for me.

all in all, learning galore. and for a first job in the "real world" it hasn't been bad.

so, you know, so long. and thanks for all the fish.

Back at the Homestead or ¿De Veras?

weeeeell, i'm back. good for you, sad for me kind of thing. i mean, i know you missed me, you don't have to put it in writing (but you should...), but coming back from vacation womps.

for instance, i am at work today, and for some reason, they actually want me to work. what's that all about? i just got back! i'm not going to work, i'm going to fiddle about and look at facebook all day. also upload pictures from my trip and be sad that i'm not on the beach today:


so, i'm not in colombia anymore, and i'm sure you all want to know all about it. but i'm already bored of recounting things, so i'll just hit a few highlights.

jason and i went to the salt cathedral, which is made out of a salt mine. what's cool about something being 85% salt? you get to lick the walls! mmm... (i also learned that "salary" comes from using salt or "sal" en espanol as a form of barter for other goods and services. it all makes sense! or should i say cents?! no, i should say sense, cents isn't that funny.)


the botero museum in bogota is SO COOL. okay, so my dad used to take us on all sorts of "cultural outings" (i mean, we lived in topeka, so....) when we were little. we'd do charcoal sketches at the zoo or hit up the natural history museum with the stuffed buffalo, but i've never been that into museums. they're okay, but i get overwhelmed. there's too much to see and there's never enough time, dammit!


BUT this museum was awesome. it was still pretty big, and i didn't get to see as much of it as i wanted, but there were all of these really amazing botero paintings (i think he's still painting, the cheeky so and so), and all of these other kinds of surrealist works as well. dali and picasso were both representin' in da house:


plus it was across the street from the gabriel garcia marquez cultural center, and love in the time of cholera is one of my favorite books ever.


i got to come up with a ridiculous amount of inside jokes AND enjoy an ocean view from inside an air conditioned apartment (with a sweatshirt on, naturally) with my new housemates:

The Sleeper, Beard, Neck Hair, and Bulge

i almost got on the wrong airplane. okay, really, i DID get on the wrong airplane, but the thing is, someone was sitting in my seat, and it was confusing because we were BOTH 17d. weird, huh?

yeah, it's because the plane was going to santa domingo and not new york. oops! i guess my spanish speaking skills did not improve at all....

but the most important thing that happened while i was in colombia is that i fell in LOVE. he couldn't get a visa, though, so i had to leave him at the hostel in bogota. i know he'll wait for me, though:


sad, i know. we're so cute together.

The Sad Farewell or I'm Going on Vacation, So Don't Bother to Complain About my Lack of Blogging

so, i actually already blogged today, if you're interested.

but i do have something very pathetic and tragic to bring up.

today, we lost one of our nearest and dearest, which is especially sad because i haven't seen her for a few days.

yes, friends, i'm talking about debbie:

look at her there, volunteering for her birthday, sweet girl that she is.

or should i say was?

yes, friends, sadly we must bid farewell to debbie, not just because i'm not going to see her for twenty days, nay, because she has found the evils of guitar hero.



good bye, lovely debbie. you shall be missed...

Why Becky is Out of the Loop or My New Best Friend!

so, every now and then i get a new best friend. i can't really compile a list because it's just too extensive, but you all remember best friend chris, perhaps?


well, he had to be replaced because he moved to china (typical...) and i forget about people when they're physically no longer in my presence.

anyway, after months and months of extensive thought, planning, and whatnot (whatnot being its own definitive grouping), i've FINALLY got a new best friend:




his name is dan

(hi dan)

and he's my new best friend.

why? well, i'm glad you asked!

first of all, he knows words like wysiwig. AND he knows what they mean.



also, he brought me a reese's pieces. yes. one. yes. the little candy-coated dealies:


AND, he dressed up for purim in the office--he's not even jewish!--and he was the only one who bothered to dress for the holiday (i was making a political statement about the unfair treatment of queen vashti by not dressing up, myself...) in a building FULL of jews. what's that all about??

and this one time (approximately on hour ago), we emailed each other at the SAME TIME. isn't that crazy?!

best of all, though, when he's been drinking, he invites us all over to his house and:

lets us break his dishes

promises to make us dinner



and he's a REALLY good cook. or so i imagine from all of the delicious foods he brings in. i don't know that i've ever tried anything he's made actually...

anyway, let's welcome dan into the fold of my friendship.

and let's wait a couple of weeks to share with him how demanding, bratty, bossy, annoying, mean, evil, and terrifying i am.
YAY!

Joe vs. the Volcano or Quitting

another monday, and here i am at work. every day on my way to work i feel like this:




seriously, when i get off the subway at 59th and try to push my way up those stairs, i start singing this song in my head while scenes from joe vs. the volcano and metropolis (the 80s version) flash through my head. i know, i know, i watched a lot of movies growing up....

anyway, maybe you've noticed my unrest as of late. a lot of this is due to the fact that it's supposedly getting nicer outside, and i hate being cooped up inside.

and a lot of it has to do with the building tension about my job. (i'm too social. we'll leave it at that....)

so, when i finally got the opportunity to quit, i wanted it to go something like this:



but it wasn't at all like that. in fact, meg ryan didn't even bother to show up to work, thank you very much meg. no, my bosses were really nice and supportive about my leaving, which meant that i couldn't be mean to them. especially since they didn't ask me about why i was leaving or anything. hmph.

but no worries, because now, i feel like this:



and if i'm happy, you're happy, right? right.

Complaints or Why I'm Up Early on a Sunday

here i am, up early on a sunday morning and none too happy about it. i have half an hour before i have to run out the door, so i decided to complain (e.g. blog for those of you who haven't noticed that this is the sole purpose for me having a blog) about the fact that i am up early on a sunday.

granted, i'm usually up early on sundays and every other day for that matter, as i don't believe in sleep. i guess it's not so much that i don't believe in it as much as i don't think it exists in any sort of permanent state. i know some people can sleep at just about any time for just about any length of time, but frankly, i've always been suspicious of them....


but then again, i also don't think that asparagus doesn't make my pee smell, but saph informed me yesterday that 1/4 of the population just can't smell that smell. don't worry, we've formulated a plan to figure out if my pee is free of the asparagus smell or if my nasal capacity isn't broad enough to encompass that particular aroma. if you're nice, i'll spare you the details and just tell you the results.


anyway, i'm up early on a sunday, and i'm annoyed about it. i know this comes as a shock, as i'm never annoyed about anything. but, i'm extra agitated because i'm wearing a lime green shirt and i have to go to work today. i mean, i have to go to the building i work in.

why?

because it's israel day.

what is israel day, you want to know?

it's a day where i have to wake up early sport a lime green shirt and go to park avenue to march in a parade celebrating israel. i'm pretty sure it was designed to punish me for not wanting to go to work on the weekend.

but erin, you ask, why are you going if you don't want to? surely they can't force you to celebrate israel day!

hm....this one's tricky. you're a wily little devil, aren't you?

tasmanian devil

okay, they can't FORCE me to go. this is true. but what they CAN do is lure me in by announcing the free breakfast, so that the odds are really really good that i will go. (i briefly tried to think of a really good ratio to insert here, but i recently found out that i'm particularly bad with ratios, so i quickly gave up. you're imaginative. think of one yourself.)

anyway, i'm annoyed because i simply cannot bypass free breakfast. i'm jewish! AND i work for a non-profit!

so, i'm off to the israel day parade.

yay, bagels!


er, i mean, israel.




really? you're 60? that's OLD, dude.