The Final Countdown or So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish

so, i'm in my final few days of "work" and i'm surprisingly saddened about the prospect of leaving. i mean, i've poured my heart and soul into this job, nurturing the trees with my very being, pruning them with my love and affection, and now i have to let them grow without me.


i'm just kidding. a more appropriate metaphor:

i work for an environmental organization that plants trees. a couple of weeks ago, we ripped the tree out from in front of our building in order to even out the pavement or some such. that's kind of how i feel about this place; rather than build upon the goodness that is here, or, you know, work with the tree out front to help it grow, we tear it from the earth and pretend it never existed.

deep, huh?



unfortunately, i kind of like some of the people who work here, though, and even though i know where they live, it will be kinda sad to not see them at work every day. my office is a lot like the show "the office" with its ridiculousness and quirky characters.

and i've learned things from being here. i've become a more well-rounded person (and not just a more rounded person, though all of the free bagels and lox does round out my physique quite a bit...) being able to juggle things like "supposed to be working" with "pretending to be working" and "just plain not working even a little bit" (which is what i'm mastering right now). i've also learned how to tell people i'm busy when i'm not because i don't want to do the work they have for me.

all in all, learning galore. and for a first job in the "real world" it hasn't been bad.

so, you know, so long. and thanks for all the fish.

Back at the Homestead or ¿De Veras?

weeeeell, i'm back. good for you, sad for me kind of thing. i mean, i know you missed me, you don't have to put it in writing (but you should...), but coming back from vacation womps.

for instance, i am at work today, and for some reason, they actually want me to work. what's that all about? i just got back! i'm not going to work, i'm going to fiddle about and look at facebook all day. also upload pictures from my trip and be sad that i'm not on the beach today:


so, i'm not in colombia anymore, and i'm sure you all want to know all about it. but i'm already bored of recounting things, so i'll just hit a few highlights.

jason and i went to the salt cathedral, which is made out of a salt mine. what's cool about something being 85% salt? you get to lick the walls! mmm... (i also learned that "salary" comes from using salt or "sal" en espanol as a form of barter for other goods and services. it all makes sense! or should i say cents?! no, i should say sense, cents isn't that funny.)


the botero museum in bogota is SO COOL. okay, so my dad used to take us on all sorts of "cultural outings" (i mean, we lived in topeka, so....) when we were little. we'd do charcoal sketches at the zoo or hit up the natural history museum with the stuffed buffalo, but i've never been that into museums. they're okay, but i get overwhelmed. there's too much to see and there's never enough time, dammit!


BUT this museum was awesome. it was still pretty big, and i didn't get to see as much of it as i wanted, but there were all of these really amazing botero paintings (i think he's still painting, the cheeky so and so), and all of these other kinds of surrealist works as well. dali and picasso were both representin' in da house:


plus it was across the street from the gabriel garcia marquez cultural center, and love in the time of cholera is one of my favorite books ever.


i got to come up with a ridiculous amount of inside jokes AND enjoy an ocean view from inside an air conditioned apartment (with a sweatshirt on, naturally) with my new housemates:

The Sleeper, Beard, Neck Hair, and Bulge

i almost got on the wrong airplane. okay, really, i DID get on the wrong airplane, but the thing is, someone was sitting in my seat, and it was confusing because we were BOTH 17d. weird, huh?

yeah, it's because the plane was going to santa domingo and not new york. oops! i guess my spanish speaking skills did not improve at all....

but the most important thing that happened while i was in colombia is that i fell in LOVE. he couldn't get a visa, though, so i had to leave him at the hostel in bogota. i know he'll wait for me, though:


sad, i know. we're so cute together.

The Sad Farewell or I'm Going on Vacation, So Don't Bother to Complain About my Lack of Blogging

so, i actually already blogged today, if you're interested.

but i do have something very pathetic and tragic to bring up.

today, we lost one of our nearest and dearest, which is especially sad because i haven't seen her for a few days.

yes, friends, i'm talking about debbie:

look at her there, volunteering for her birthday, sweet girl that she is.

or should i say was?

yes, friends, sadly we must bid farewell to debbie, not just because i'm not going to see her for twenty days, nay, because she has found the evils of guitar hero.



good bye, lovely debbie. you shall be missed...

Why Becky is Out of the Loop or My New Best Friend!

so, every now and then i get a new best friend. i can't really compile a list because it's just too extensive, but you all remember best friend chris, perhaps?


well, he had to be replaced because he moved to china (typical...) and i forget about people when they're physically no longer in my presence.

anyway, after months and months of extensive thought, planning, and whatnot (whatnot being its own definitive grouping), i've FINALLY got a new best friend:




his name is dan

(hi dan)

and he's my new best friend.

why? well, i'm glad you asked!

first of all, he knows words like wysiwig. AND he knows what they mean.



also, he brought me a reese's pieces. yes. one. yes. the little candy-coated dealies:


AND, he dressed up for purim in the office--he's not even jewish!--and he was the only one who bothered to dress for the holiday (i was making a political statement about the unfair treatment of queen vashti by not dressing up, myself...) in a building FULL of jews. what's that all about??

and this one time (approximately on hour ago), we emailed each other at the SAME TIME. isn't that crazy?!

best of all, though, when he's been drinking, he invites us all over to his house and:

lets us break his dishes

promises to make us dinner



and he's a REALLY good cook. or so i imagine from all of the delicious foods he brings in. i don't know that i've ever tried anything he's made actually...

anyway, let's welcome dan into the fold of my friendship.

and let's wait a couple of weeks to share with him how demanding, bratty, bossy, annoying, mean, evil, and terrifying i am.
YAY!

Joe vs. the Volcano or Quitting

another monday, and here i am at work. every day on my way to work i feel like this:




seriously, when i get off the subway at 59th and try to push my way up those stairs, i start singing this song in my head while scenes from joe vs. the volcano and metropolis (the 80s version) flash through my head. i know, i know, i watched a lot of movies growing up....

anyway, maybe you've noticed my unrest as of late. a lot of this is due to the fact that it's supposedly getting nicer outside, and i hate being cooped up inside.

and a lot of it has to do with the building tension about my job. (i'm too social. we'll leave it at that....)

so, when i finally got the opportunity to quit, i wanted it to go something like this:



but it wasn't at all like that. in fact, meg ryan didn't even bother to show up to work, thank you very much meg. no, my bosses were really nice and supportive about my leaving, which meant that i couldn't be mean to them. especially since they didn't ask me about why i was leaving or anything. hmph.

but no worries, because now, i feel like this:



and if i'm happy, you're happy, right? right.

Complaints or Why I'm Up Early on a Sunday

here i am, up early on a sunday morning and none too happy about it. i have half an hour before i have to run out the door, so i decided to complain (e.g. blog for those of you who haven't noticed that this is the sole purpose for me having a blog) about the fact that i am up early on a sunday.

granted, i'm usually up early on sundays and every other day for that matter, as i don't believe in sleep. i guess it's not so much that i don't believe in it as much as i don't think it exists in any sort of permanent state. i know some people can sleep at just about any time for just about any length of time, but frankly, i've always been suspicious of them....


but then again, i also don't think that asparagus doesn't make my pee smell, but saph informed me yesterday that 1/4 of the population just can't smell that smell. don't worry, we've formulated a plan to figure out if my pee is free of the asparagus smell or if my nasal capacity isn't broad enough to encompass that particular aroma. if you're nice, i'll spare you the details and just tell you the results.


anyway, i'm up early on a sunday, and i'm annoyed about it. i know this comes as a shock, as i'm never annoyed about anything. but, i'm extra agitated because i'm wearing a lime green shirt and i have to go to work today. i mean, i have to go to the building i work in.

why?

because it's israel day.

what is israel day, you want to know?

it's a day where i have to wake up early sport a lime green shirt and go to park avenue to march in a parade celebrating israel. i'm pretty sure it was designed to punish me for not wanting to go to work on the weekend.

but erin, you ask, why are you going if you don't want to? surely they can't force you to celebrate israel day!

hm....this one's tricky. you're a wily little devil, aren't you?

tasmanian devil

okay, they can't FORCE me to go. this is true. but what they CAN do is lure me in by announcing the free breakfast, so that the odds are really really good that i will go. (i briefly tried to think of a really good ratio to insert here, but i recently found out that i'm particularly bad with ratios, so i quickly gave up. you're imaginative. think of one yourself.)

anyway, i'm annoyed because i simply cannot bypass free breakfast. i'm jewish! AND i work for a non-profit!

so, i'm off to the israel day parade.

yay, bagels!


er, i mean, israel.




really? you're 60? that's OLD, dude.

Here Kitty, Kitty or OW! MY FINGERS!

so, for years now, my mom has been comparing me to a cat. why, you ask? simple.

1. i'm lazy
2. i like affection, but only when i want it, not when you want it.
3. i lay in the sun whenever i can.
4. many, many naps.
5. i bite.

these are just a few examples, but you get the point. i've decided that i'm more like a kitten. you know how kittens look all innocent and cute? and you say to yourself

awwww! how adorable! i should pick up that sweet little kitten and pet it and love it and kiss its fuzzy little head.




and then as soon as you reach for the little furball, it whips out its curved little sharp-ass fangs and claws and mauls you to death. and you say to yourself:

ahhhhh! the pain! THE PAIN! what was i thinking??

but then five minutes later you repeat the whole scenario again because it looks so darn cute?

yeah.

as many of you know, i'm into knitting. i knit things in straight lines, mainly, so scarves are a specialty of mine. but i also knit for charity, for babies nonetheless, so that when i get onto the subway with my large ball of fluffy yarn and my itsy bitsy knitting needles, people's eyes get all soft and they want to know what i'm making.

this is useful because people get up if they think you're an adorable little kitten, and they give you their seat.

or, today at lunch. i was knitting and eating with my co-workers. when you have that fluffy ball of yarn out, you get to say mean things, and people get confused. because:

plus

is supposed to equal



but for me, as the feisty little devil kitten that i am, it equals this instead:

oh the triumphs as feigning life as a good person. mwah-ha-ha!

Chained to the Desk or Carnival

shhh...you have to be quiet, as i'm not really supposed to be blogging.

i know, i know, it never stopped me before, but things around here really changed. just about the time my boss's stomach grew from basketball size to watermelon size, her temperament completely changed.


okay, i'm being lenient. she was mean before, it's just that now it's taken on astronomical proportions.



let me give you an example. right now, there is a fair going on in the street. no, really, there are blow up toys and booths and children laughing, and we were actually invited, but we can't go frolic about with the youngins because my boss won't let us.

not only that, but she OPENED THE WINDOW. now i get to hear how everyone else is having fun while i'm working on spreadsheets.

tisn't fair. pop out your baby already so i can have some cotton candy.

grrr.

Intermission

check out my mom's blog at:

http://helmsmindellmanagementconsulting.blogspot.com/

I Guess I'll Go Eat Worms or My Life as Compared to Buffy

i started out thinking that today i would compare my life to that book, alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, and then possibly end the day by moving to australia:



okay, i already need to interrupt myself before i continue on to what i'm sure you can already tell will be a self-pitying, what does it all mean, my life is terrible, et. al. entry. did you know that alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day is a MUSICAL?! yeah, i know! i can't even believe it! crazy.



anyway, i was going to start out with an analogy linking the quite somber book to my life. it was going to be poetic and sincere, with just a touch of tragedy. but instead, i'm going to find another way to feel sorry for myself.

annoying things were happening today. examples?

i bit my tongue while i was showering (that's actually two bad things, as we all know that i hate showering)

i messed up the hat i was knitting for an unspecified baby

i had to talk to ira

i squirted soap all over my skirt while at work.

so, while i was trying to complain to some co-workers about my terrible day, they kept interrupting me! i mean, really? i'm whining here! i tried several times to run through my list of complaints about life, but i never got very far.

then i got a phone call from someone else who was also having not the greatest day. i listened sympathetically. i "tsk"-ed at the appropriate times. i "uh-huh"-ed and "those bastards"-ed when the times called for it.

and then i tried to actually speak a sentence.

this maneuver was my downfall, as i got interrupted mid-statement. is my voice not working today? can no one hear me? is this like that episode of buffy where no one can find willow and it turns out she's invisible? is it? IS IT?! because i don't want to have my skin eaten off by some creepy monster with a long tongue who probably has poor dental hygiene:



and the thing is, i've been feeling out of sorts a lot lately. i mean, who knows why. maybe it's because i've gone a few days without ice cream. or it might be that i haven't been taking my vitamins. more than likely, it's because when the slayer died (and subsequently came back to life), the equilibrium of the world was thrown off and now evil has seized upon its chance to take over the world.

and because of this. i have decided to speak louder and ruin everyone else's day as well. so, have fun talking to me....