Approaching the Line or My New Boots Take on a Goal

we're fast approaching the forced six month goal line, and i am realizing a couple of things.but first,  since i never revealed the winning ideas of what my goal would be, let me do that now.

you all regaled me with terrible, terrible ideas, but somehow from the carnage arose a goal that quite suits me. i'm going to complete some sort of written something substantial (of length, not content) by july. as you can see, i'm off to a good start with that thought-out and sensical previous sentence. 

anyway, i haven't entirely started actually writing. yet. but i've pondered quietly, pontificated aloud, and otherwise made known to myself and the world at large that i shall somehow complete this goal. 

so, this morning, i realized somethings re: goals:

1. i never got my twelve dollars and fifty cents that my brother owes me for his failure to quit smoking a year ago. maybe i should add interest?

2. i have nothing to write about. 

you might say, but erin, you blog, so obviously you have *something* to write about. i am hesitant to reveal this, BUT, bigger things are at stake here, so....ready? my blog isn't actually about anything. i know, it's shocking. i'm so good at faking it, but no, aside from MY NEW BOOTS (i wore them today, y'all), i have very little content there. here. whatever, the point is, i've got no ideas. or discipline. or style. or any of the things one needs to complete a substantial piece of whatever i said before. i'm too lazy to scroll up and have a look-see. this sent me into a tailspin of panic. how the hell am i supposed to write something if i don't have anything to say?

well, right before i hit the ocean of disparity and failure with bone-breaking force, i happened upon the parachute of realization three:

3. whenever i've come across tough circumstances, i've always gotten through them. how? well, by accomplishing realization four:

4. i'm really good at bullying other people into doing my bidding.

this is really great news! you see, i can complete a substantial piece of written work without actually writing at all! i'll just make YOU do it. i think the best way to accomplish this is to have you write some words. preferably in some semblance of order or with meaning. i will take the hodge-podge and mold it into something usable. i will then tack my name on it and pass it off as my own.

here, i'll get you started with some content. you could write about:

a. goats (free our goats!)

b. quitting smoking

c. not quitting smoking

d. smoked sausages

e. the economy 

f. that time you walked in on jesus wearing a tutu and putting on red lipstick 

i don't want you thinking this will be easy for me. i will have to use the full powers of my emotional, mental, and physically abusive abilities in order to get enough pages to accomplish my goal. but, you know, no one ever said it was going to be easy. 

so get to work, you slackers.