JNF is way better than Your Mom* or a lesson in irony

*Editor's note: the name of the company in which said "Erin" will be working for has been changed in order to maintain anonymity. The job will now be referred to as "Your Mom" for the duration of this document. We hope you understand the sensitive nature of this material and can appreciate the changes made. But if you can't, no one cares anyway.*

So, my dearest Erin is leaving me, in more ways then one. I mean first she travels to South America, then to Israel, then she tells me she is moving 2 subway stops away from me – and of course as we all know by now she has taken some fancy new job – who does this girl think she is? Who told her it was okay to not spend all of her time with me?! Seriously, I am going to hunt you down...

Anyway, I think Erin has made a HUGE MISTAKE, I mean sure everyone thinks "Your Mom" is the greatest, but what people don't know is that JNF is even greater! I mean I know you are all shaking your heads right now, which is why I have made a list of the reasons (yay lists!).

1. Free Food – "Your Mom" is touted for how they give you free food everyday. Sure, this sounds great in theory, but I think JNF's system is way better. We get free food sometimes at JNF, like if there is a meeting we get to have the scraps of lunch leftover two hours later, or we have bagels and cake the 10 times a year when it is someone in our department's birthday. See, you learn to appreciate the free food, it is an unexpected treat, so much better than getting a gourmet lunch and dinner everyday, take that "Your Mom".

2. Free Massages – "Your Mom" and their free stuff, yay yay, show offs. So I bet you are thinking how can JNF even compare with this luxurious offering, well in two ways. One I recently heard people talking about how several years ago JNF used to offer back massages one day a year, and that they might bring that back, this would be a lovely unexpected treat (see: free food). Also, on my birthright, which JNF sent me on, there was one guy who gave really good back massages, that was great! Less is more, I mean why would I want a back massage everyday?! Those knots I have in my back and shoulders remind me of all the hard work I am doing, people at "Your Mom" must be relaxed all the time, and that means the work they are doing is unimportant.

3. Non-profits are superior – Speaking of unimportant work, working at a non-profit allows you to feel superior to people. I mean at JNF we are basically volunteers with the salaries we make, but we get paid in feeling all great about ourselves because we are “helping to make the world a better place.” I mean sure "Your Mom" has created "your ugly face", "your butt", "your flame retardant footie pajamas" and any number of other things I use on the internet, but come one, the internet is just some lame fad, planting trees in Israel is forever.

4. Mottos/Mission Statements – "Your Mom"'s motto is “Don't be evil” and as my brother Jason pointed out, isn't that exactly the kind of statement someone evil would make! Meanwhile, JNF's mission statement is “We are the caretakers of the land of Israel, on behalf of its owners, Jewish people everywhere.” I mean evil isn't mentioned in that, just nice words like caretakers. JNF is taking care of land, building a community of people, and "Your Mom" is just concerned about seeming all nice and, and not evil and all. Seems suspect to me.

So, I could continue, but I don't really need to, do I? It seems pretty obvious based on this list that Erin would have been so much happier staying at her volunteer job at JNF, with her knotty back and occasional free food, her life would have been better....but she made her choice, she is choosing a life of endless free food and massages and higher pay and who knows what else...

Bye Erin, it was nice knowing you.