you know how it seems like some people attract certain things? for instance, my brother attracts luck at card games, some people get hit by lightning multiple times in their lives, while my sister attracts the attentions of twelve year old boys like moths to the light:
for the longest time, i thought that there was nothing that i attracted with an invisible pull that others in my family seem to have. small children swarm to my mother, much to their parents' horror, while my dad ALWAYS wins at monopoly (which isn't really the same, but seriously, how can he win EVERY TIME?!?). recently, i found my thing, that thing that will ALWAYS find me, no matter what.
i always hoped it would be the ability to command money to flock to my fingertips, but, sadly, i knew that wasn't the case when i lost a hundred dollar bill a couple of months ago. no, for me, it's jury duty.
i have lived in a total of five states since i have been eligible for jury duty. i've lived in kansas:
texas:
california:
massachusetts:
and now, new york:
in every state, save one, i've been beckoned by the long, bony finger of the law to endure jury duty. now, i got the hell out of kansas two months after i was registered to vote, so i didn't get a summons there. but every single other state! it's ridiculous, i was only in texas for five months.
anyway, i registered to vote about a month ago, and what arrives in the mail last week? something from my good friend gloria d'amico. she had this to say to me:
dear juror:
welcome. you have been selected for jury duty.
the law provides that a collective body of "eligible" citizens shall perform as jurors to determine cases broughts before the courts. Your participation in the jury process helps to insure the individual rights of each citizen.
i recognize jury service can be burdensome, as it may interrupt your personal and business lives. please be assured that we will work within the limits of the law to accommodate varying needs. our goal is to make your service as a juror a rewarding and memorable experience.
thank you for your time and commitment to the new york state justice system.
sincerely,
gloria d'amico
commissioner of jurors
listen. gloria. i know you you're just doing your job. and i'm glad that i am dear to you. but i don't appreciate your italicized and quoted "eligible". it feels like you are doubting my eligibility,
and that hurts my feelings. furthermore, no one wants a memorable experience. that pretty much guarantees that you will be haunted for the rest of your life by the horrors that befell you in the hands of the government.
not good.
lastly, it certainly will interrupt my personal and business life. do they allow booze in the court building? do they cater meals , ordering obscene amounts of food, then let me scavange the leftovers like the ferret that i am? i thought not.
tis my lot in life, i guess to move from state to state, to be called for jury duty (though never picked for a jury), and then sit in a room with a bunch of people watching soap operas all day. and i won't even have postcards with me to glue together.
oh well. i suppose it's better than having to watch jury duty at any point.
ever.
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