Finally! Substance! or What was I Saying?

Enough with this nonsense!

It is Barret Mindell (the brother Erin knows about) and I'm here to fix this blog of hers. I'm an enforcer, ladies and gentlemen. Or "lady and gentleman," if there are only two readers and one is a woman and one is a man. Or "ladies," if there are no men reading this but multiple women. Also, if there are any transgendered or other sexually ambiguous people present I am not sure what to call you but I fully respect your decisions and am perfectly willing to listen to your preferences!

What was I saying? Right! I'm an enforcer! I'm the substitute teacher who actually makes you do your classwork. I'm the babysitter that puts you to bed a half hour before your parents told me I should, so I can invite my wrong-side-of-the-tracks boyfriend over to make out on your couch. I'm the parent that you don't ask for five dollars to go buy a Butterfinger because it will rot your teeth and you and I both know perfectly well a Butterfinger only costs one dollar.

Seeing as this is my first time writing on Erin's blog (What's that you say? The Ice Cream expose? The one that is very obviously written by NOT Barret Mindell? Exactly.), I'd like to clarify how we're going to be working together. First and foremost, you are NOT allowed to mumble under your breath how "un-hip" I am, but if you are uncomfortable you are more than welcome to leave.

A NOTE TO ERIN:

Erin? Everybody left. I was just trying to make a good impression and they all left.. I'm so upset. I just... Erin, I don't know how to do this. I couldn't even tell which members of your audience are men and which are women. I mean, all the "men" were so girly, and the "women" so butch that most of them could go either way, you know? I'm scared and I was just trying to--Huh? What did you say? Keep writing anyway? Things like this take time? You're right, Erin! I'll keep writing and maybe they'll come back! What's that? You don't think they'll come back.. I see. But that doesn't mean my guestblog is bad, right? It does? Oh.

Achem. Now there are going to be a few changes on this blog while I'm writing it, er, today. There are going to be NO pictures whatsoever- pictures like this:

or this:

None! Other changes include the the word "I" will now be capitalized out of respect for Me, while the word "you" shall remain lowercased; and most importantly this blog will now have substance. None of this erinesque rambling about commonplace dilly-dallying and canoodling. No more cuddling, and cuddlebunnies are henceforth banned! Well, maybe a little cuddling. Everyone loves a little cuddle every now and then. Ok, cuddlebunnies are welcome, but all cuddlebunnies must remain on-task and only cuddle during allotted cuddle times! But that thing I said about substance stays. Today, this blog will have a point!