Dear Diary or What I Ate Today

so, today i was chatting with mara and julie at dinner about how i was thinking of blogging on what i ate today. mara so lovingly reminded me that my old diaries used to be completely about what i ate on any given day.

i beg to differ, though. i distinctly remember writing a passage about how i "pine for" brady miller. no, really i used those words. and really, i had a crush on brady miller:

on the left

but what do you want? i was in middle school with raging hormones and a thing for thespians. and the whole "pine for" thing wasn't my fault, either. i mean, it was renaissance festival time. which reminds me of turkey drumsticks and brings me back to my point:

things i ate today

dear diary,

today was an okay day. i woke up before my alarm clock again, which was annoying because i wanted to sleep in. but it did give me a chance to take a shower, which i guess is okay, even though i kinda didn't wanna take a shower. i mean, i JUST showered two days ago.....anyway, i kind of wanted to nibble on something right away. i was actually kinda hungry, which is weird because i don't usually eat until i get into the office, but after getting my lunch ready (rice to go with the panang tuna pack i had at work)



and grabbing some fruit, i decided to just get going. it was nice outside.

so, i actually didn't notice that i still hadn't eaten anything by eleven, which, again, weird because i usually eat at nine thirty or ten. but, to be fair, i did try to have some strawberries around 9:15. they had gone bad, which didn't stop me from biting into one, anyway, but it was no good.

and then i DID have a handful of honey nut cheerios, which i shoved frantically into my mouth, but that doesn't count because i didn't get any milk to put it in, thus wasting time by going down to the fridge on the second floor, talking to becky about her fake child named jewish, and filling my stomach in the way i normally do with cereal and milk.


then at eleven, i went to the fourth floor for something (i forgot what by the time i got there), and when i left, i filled my water bottle AND took a piece of chocolate covered matzoh. i started eating it on the way down, but then when i got to my desk, i decided that it would go really well with my fuji apple, so i supplemented, taking a bite of matzoh then a bite of apple.

it was just okay.

twelve thirty brought on cookie walk '08 (part 1), a scheduled affair that took us back to levain bakery for delicious chocolate chip brioche and whatever everyone else got.

at levain bakery

now, i wasn't going to eat it until after i had lunch, but instead i ate in on the way back to the office. and then i wasn't hungry for lunch.

cookie walk '08 (part 1) crew

i did have some sugar snap peas. those were good.

i met julie and mara for dinner, which was nice because i don't get to see julie that often, and i really like my sister. we went to a thai place, and i ordered pad see ew, but they called it pad see eil, which was TOTALLY crazy! anyway, i ate way too much and felt sick after dinner, which sucked, but passover is starting soon, so i couldn't really take leftovers with me.

now i'm home and watching amelie. i love this movie, it's so pretty. i wonder if brady miller would like it....

that's all for now. i'll write more if i have any ice cream or something later. thanks for listening, diary. you're always here for me.

love,
erin


and yes, i really did sign my diary "love" and my name. sad. i know.

The Complete First Season or I Wanna Be KATE!

so, today i received a very intriguing email. the subject was Dear Friends of Becky. thinking it was maybe an invitation to a surprise party for becky or something, i opened it. it was as follows:


now, i've actually only met kate once. and in that time she and becky were pilfering from my department. (to be fair, i DID open the door and those multicolored highlighters are very difficult to resist....)


but this email made me like her. i mean, REALLY like her. see, there are many things that kate and i have in common. for instance, we both sometimes talk to becky. what's that all about?

also, kate and becky did power hour for valentine's day:




and even though becky wussed out 2/3rds of the way through, kate plugged on. like a champ. i also drank on valentine's day, although it was more of the beer then margaritas then (ahem) more beer variety. also i played darts, which is super fun (although our game went on just a little too long. once you pass the two hour point, it gets old). so, there's that, too. even though that has little to do with kate.

also, kate is in rabbinical school, a long-held dream of mine. well, to be fair, rabbinical school seems like kind of a pain. my long-held dreams are more about actually BEING a rabbi. although, you know, the journey and all of that. i just can't wait to look like this guy:


sometimes my sibs say that i would be a great rabbi. other times, they advise me agin it (when they're feeling like the southern chicken from futurama). either way, kate is living the dream and procrastinating doing her homework at the same time. (this is less like me. i'm more inclined to make someone else do my homework FOR me than laze about for awhile before doing it myself). that is awesome.

i DO like that kate wrote the aforementioned email. that gains my total approval as it was both funny and something i would do. also, writing personal emails while one should be working gets a check plus.

overall, kate deserves some blog space, and i'm happy to oblige. making fun of becky is always a good idea, kate is funny, and debbie and i both got some enjoyment out of that short little email.

so kate, here's to your awesomeness:

Act I or How I Quit My Day Job

okay, i am finally concluding, as debbie and becky already have, that inextricably linking our three blogs is problematic. i am forced to write, even if i have nothing to say or don't feel like it. it's like a throw back to college. or high school. or middle school. elementary school was alright. beautiful building and all:



but since we can't all be randolph raiders forever, it's time to grow up and talk about grown up things.

i've decided to write a screenplay. i don't know yet what the screenplay will be about, and as far as i know i have no idea how to write a screenplay, but how difficult can it be? i mean, if gigli can be a movie, i can write a movie. plus, we all know that i like to write parts for people, such as:

you: you're thinking of writing a screenplay i hear.

me: yes, that's right. who told you?

you: you did, just now. via blog.

me: wow, word travels fast around here....

as you can see, i'm well on my way. i already know how to break up lines by who is saying them. also, i can do stage directions.

(erin enters from the front room and sits gingerly on the couch, feet up on the glass-topped coffee table. she pulls out the laptop and opens it. mara enters and brings her a drink.)

i've got it! i'll write a screenplay about a girl who starts a blog and how that sets off this whole crazy series of blog-related events and then something happens and it's resolved. brilliant!

wait, no, that other thing. boring.

hm.... maybe instead of writing a screenplay, i will use my witch-like powers to make people do my bidding by writing about it. (example: mara just brought me a drink because i wrote that she would. only, she actually brought it before i wrote that, which is how i knew to write it.). okay, let's try it out....

(annie hsu shakes her head slowly and thinks to herself, erin has finally lost it. i should send her a present. or possibly go visit her. or get her a job at my company.)

now, we just have to wait and see if that worked.....

doo be doo...

dum de dum....

la de da...

zippity do dah?

it's taking too long for annie to do my bidding, which makes me think that MAYBE this isn't working. or, maybe it is and she's just really slow (like in a condescending, wink, wink, pat her head kind of way.) i guess it's on to plan b.

i'll let you know when i figure out what plan b is. better yet, you devise plan b and fill me in later. right now, it's time for buffy.

Laughter is Contagious or Cover Your Mouth When you Cough

i think i'm going through another manic phase:


there are some pluses to my manic phases. for instance, if one is going to be manic, it may as well be on a monday, when there is a catchy and annoying bangles song associated with said mood and day for her to then run repeatedly through her head and possibly start humming aloud in order that she may bring others down with her. just as an example, of course.

another plus is that apparently, i tend to pose as jesus when i'm manic:


so that's another good thing.

also, when i'm manic, i'm more fun for a minute. things are funny, even when they aren't and i laugh heartily at jokes, whether they be funny or told by becky or sean. of course, it's a little frightening. what's that you say?

ha. ha ha. ha! hahahahahahahahahahahahahah. a-ha. that's SO HILARIOUS!

see the problem? of course, that picture isn't even me. it's mara, but we look enough alike, and apparently people are so scared of me when i'm manic that they won't even try to take a picture of me while i'm guffawing.

but there are also some problems with my mania. for one, it makes me a little jittery. this is bad because i flail about a lot in general, and if i'm manic, this is exacerbated and then i tend to poke out people's eyes and punch a lot of noses.


this would be okay, but sometimes punched noses bleed, and who wants to clean that up? not i.

another problem with mania is that it is usually quickly followed by depression (see previous blog). this goes back and forth for awhile, and downward spirals aren't really that fun.



actually, that looks pretty fun. maybe i'll go find a downward spiral to slide down before my mania wears off.


weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Close Your Eyes or Dr. Freud on the Couch

this blog shall be about dreams. and i don't mean in the hippie-head-in-the-clouds-tiptoe-through-the-tulips-i-wanna-win-the-lottery-and-create-world-peace kind of dreams. i mean when you close your eyes and go to sleep for the night. and because i'm so cool, i'm going to analyze a few of these dreams.

dream 1:

her: i had a dream last night that i pushed manda out of a building window. a skyscraper window. i told her it was a test. i just got done watching the episode of lost where hurley's imaginery friend told him to jump off a cliff.

me: uh huh blame tv

her: in this situation. i am the imaginery friend. what do you think that says?

okay, so clearly this friend, who i will anonymously refer to as lenee, has issues. first of all, it is clear that she hates manda. why? i don't know.

maybe because manda is actually a panda:

or maybe it's that she plays the banjo:

these are possibilities. but i think the root of the issue here is that lenee feels insecure about her life. i mean, she's got this new business and it's going well, but it's all still up in the air, you know? (like a skyscraper, even!) whereas manda is coasting along, content in her banjo playing ways. maybe lenee longs to be in a place of stability, but she can't, which makes her feel invisible in her own world. therefore, her reaction is to knock amanda down from her place of stability by convincing her that it's better to take a leap, because that is the path she took for herself. but since manda won't jump, lenee has to push her.

or maybe it is tv's fault and renee is just too impressionable to be watching. i mean, lenee....

dream 2:

Last night I was at a club and I was at the bar (surprise surprise) with Lee (ugh, I know). We were having a good time then I look over and Sean and Patrick came in dressed as drag. Sean was a nurse with a wig and I didn't see Patricks' outfit, but he had a wig on. Later I glanced over and he had turned into a doctors outfit leaving Sean to be the only one still dressed in drag.

first, let me clarify and tell you that this dream belongs to pdb. if you don't know much about him, peruse his blog to get a better idea. it's important for you to know who you are dealing with here. okay, so this dream is interesting. to me, this dream is very telling. obviously, the setting and the company represent the gay lifestyle to which pdb currently prescribes. sean and patrick are such stereotypical and suggestive examples of the sort of flippant and wild gay scene here in new york, and the fact that they are dressed in drag says that they are hiding their true selves in order to fit into this lifestyle. we don't know how pdb is dressed, but lee is not dressed in drag. lee is pdb's ideal, and what he longs for (in reality). so. the fact that lee is dressed normally, seems to suggest that maybe what pdb is really longing for is a chance to truly express himself as an individual first, rather than as a gay individual. maybe he sees hope for patrick to one day reveal his true self as well. maybe not.

maybe pdb drank too much and passed out wearing a wig and the dye seeped into his brain.

dream 3:

this is my dream. mara and i were like characters in buffy or something. that is to say, we had super skillful fighting powers. but the fact that we were jewish meant that we had to go into hiding in attics. so, we were trying to hide, but the spaces weren't so good, we were still visible. mara chose to fight, and i chose to run from rooftop to rooftop until i fell.

then i was in a wrestling match, but they wouldn't let me wrestle until i handed out a certain number of brochures or something. so, i was trying to get people to take them, but a lot of people wouldn't. then a couple of chicks from birthright came and i asked them to take, and snootily they did, but then they threw them on the ground, so i didn't get to wrestle. it was tragic.

this dream is so obvious that i feel a little silly analyzing it. but here goes. it means that i am great and enjoy knitting. also, send me money.

no really. send me money.

Peanut Butter Jelly Time or I Forgot a Title

i thought i'd mix things up and write first thing in the morning rather than waiting until i'm too busy and then doing it. this way, ideas are fresh in my head, and the IT department probably isn't searching my computer for reasons to fire me. yet.


the only problem is, my brain hasn't fully started working yet. granted, it could take weeks for it to FULLY start working, but all the same, i'm feeling a little sluggish. it doesn't help that it's overcast and rainy outside. stupid rain.





ew! i just at a bad sugar snap pea

now my mouth is mad at me. this is terrible news! anyway, i have been spending my morning doing two things (this is not including the time i have to take out of my schedule to glare at people who ask me to do work. but, really, one of the requests i've gotten was to put something on my boss's desk. this is a ridiculous request as my boss's desk is literally three feet in front of mine. in fact it'd be easier for you to put it on her desk than for you to walk to mine, as her's is nearer the doorway. but, anyway...)

the first thing i've been doing is entering data into our database. this is boring, and i don't like to do it. it amazes me what jobs you have to have a degree for. really? i potentially spent hundreds of thousands of dollars for an education so that i could be qualified to stuff envelopes and do data entry?

interesting.

the second thing i've been doing, is looking for the mcdonald's commercial that makes my sister (and me) cry.

this, of course, got me thinking about other commercials that make me cry. like that oreo commercial where the dad is waiting for his adultish daughter to come home and she's like

hey dad.

and then she goes and grabs some oreos, and he's like

i remember when you used to need me to help you open those cookies.

and he looks so sad, and so she comes over and asks for his help. and i can't convey how touching this moment is!

and of course there's the toys "r" us commercial where they sing the i don't wanna grow up song, and it shows the kids who were in the original commercial in the 80s followed by how they are when they grow up playing with the same toys. SO UPSETTING! why do they have to grow up?

thinking about these commercials made me think about the other television things that make me cry. like in the futurama episode leela's homeworld where we see the montage of leela's parents doing nice things for her over the years and this song is playing.

okay. this is making me all weepy at work, and i don't want to have to explain that i'm sad because leela's parents never got to see her grow up. so, i'm going to go back to data entry.

where did all of our interns go???

Head Explosion or What Bwings us Togeber Today

my sister got engaged this weekend. this makes me think that she is busy, seeing as how the definition of engaged, according to dictionary.com states this to be the case. but i know that she isn't busy because i know her. i'm pretty sure she's watching buffy right now....

anyway, since you probably have never heard of someone "getting engaged" before, it means that she's going to marry this guy:

he's the one in the red.

for those of you who thinks he looks like sean, you are COMPLETELY wrong. sean looks like this:

he's the one in the blue

and for those of you (julie) who watched wonderfalls, sean is his own person and in no way resembles this guy:

tyron leitso

now that we've cleared all of that up and we know that mara is marrying tyron leitso this coming september, we can move on to my point. because, of course, i have one.

being there right after my sister got engaged was really surreal. it was wonderful and touching (i mean, captain morgan was there). and we celebrated old school with champaigne. and it would have continued to be a great thing if no one found out about the engagement. as it is, i was drunk on champaigne and those shots the captain gave us, so i told everyone i know about said engagement.

big mistake.

everyone is happy for my sister, which is great. the thing is, though, everyone is now a little bit concerned about me. generally, when someone's older sister gets engaged, they would look to me (the obvious next in line), wink and say "guess you're next" and then wink some more. but people in my life look at me and they can't wink. i mean, at least some of them are physically capable of it, the reason they can't wink is because everyone knows i'm not next for anything.

let's look at the evidence. the text message i received from special lady kt when i wrote to her about mar-mar was as something like:

oh my god! call me if you need to talk. i love you!

the way i read this is:

oh my god! you are so alone in the world and no one will ever love you, but i pity you, even though i still won't let you spoon with me when we share a bed, and i need my own blanket, too, but if you need to talk, call me.

this from a best friend.

and then today my dad says something like:

i had to tell grandma not to mention mara's engagement around you. i mean, i could just see her turning to mara and saying, you're in love, honey, you're happy and getting married, then turning to barret and saying, and you've got your movie, you're on your way to being an acting success, and then turning to you and....well, that's why i talked to her.

i told dad that i was glad i wasn't going to see the family this winter. (which was a lie, but yeesh! can you believe he said that?) i also realized from this conversation that while my dad clearly adores me (and who wouldn't? i am pretty much his perfect little clone),

he's the one on the right (i'm the one on the left)

he clearly has no faith that i will ever in any way be successful in love, life, or the film industry. i don't know where he gets this stuff.

and i want to set the record straight. i am NOT going to die alone. i am completely lovable and wonderful and very attractive and not at all desperate. (please feel free to send this on to eligible bachelors that you know....) i'm awesome, and i call no man mister!

and all this is to say congratulations to my sister (who will probably quit reading before this point in the entry because there is buffy to watch) and chris. also congratulations to barret for his movie.

i'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream (which i still have since i refuse to share it with anyone).

Sky Dandruff or Someone Must Punish My Sister

mara asked if i'm going to post every day. the implication here is that every day might be a bit much for her to read up on. even though i know this is really about how mara is stupid and can't read that many words in a day (and most of her reading is dedicated to reading things she wants on craigslist), naturally, i'm insulted. in order to punish her, i'm going to write seven times a day for the rest of my life. lucky for you, i'm going to israel in a few days, so i'll be dead soon enough!

i just noticed that it is snowing yet again. what's the deal with snow? isn't it enough that it's friggin cold? and gray? and that life is terrible? it has to snow, too?! annoying.

so, right now, eddie is here. i'm sure he is saying something, but i can't understand a damn word of it. if you haven't met eddie, he looks like this:



that thing in his hand is his phone. it's actually sewn to his palm so that he can talk into it at any given moment. also, he can log in to myspace, so that while he is talking to the people in the room with him, he can also see who is online and write them messages at the same time. also, he talks a lot, did i mention that? and he is crazy. and he has my belt, which makes me sad. i love my belt. it's made of coconut shells and is from haiti:


you may have noticed that those are earrings and not a belt. well, i couldn't find an image of a belt, and while i was searching on google, i came across the earrings. then i was reminded of the time i lost one of my coconut earrings. i was out with eddie, and i was dancing hardcore.

i'm a really great dancer. i do this flailing thing that is apparently super great because some australian guy came up to me once and said:

i just wanted to tell you, you are the best dancer i've ever seen.

true story, and i'm sure he wasn't just hitting on me. i'm THAT great of a dancer. i let him buy me a beer to show that i accepted his highest esteem. it was a nice gesture on my part.

anyway, i was out with eddie and i was dancing in my super-great way, and at some point in the night, i lost one of my coconut earrings (also procured in haiti). as soon as i realized it i made everyone in my general area stop dancing and help me look. we organized a search party, cellphones out so we could use the light. we held a vigil, but to no avail. my earring was gone. i cried myself to sleep for forty nights until i realized that it was time to move on.

and move on, i did.

and that's the story of how eddie is STILL HERE and STILL TALKING. you all thought i was chatty....