Depression or Escapism is an Art Form

on my way to work this morning, stomping in puddles and squinting out of my rain-stained glasses, trying not to cry, i was thinking about one of my many (many) superiors, rebecca.

rebecca is quite the social butterfly:

while i sit at home on dark, cold winter nights, rebecca is out gallivanting around manhattan. last night, for instance, she had a date. (i already called dibs if things don't work out between them. and there's a line because this guy is apparently wealthy. we're up to "sloppy fourths" with becky, so take a number.)

sometimes, rebecca has benefit dinners or goes to the gym or drinks (but not with me. she always has an excuse for why she can't do THAT....)

maybe there's something to this "doing things". maybe people who do things with their evenings are happier, or at least less prone to burst into tears than me. maybe if i found a special purpose (but not in that "the jerk" sort of way) i too could somehow make it through the day to day shenanigans that currently make my life a living hell.

becky volunteers. i mean, she just started today, but she feels smug about it, superior and therefore good about life.

becca throws herself into her professional life at her hoity toity company. she makes a lot of money and gets rung by rung closer to the top of that ladder. (i'm sure she'll get there, too.)

i should think about this more. wait for it....wait for it....

okay, so i thought about it. it turns out that this theory only holds true for those named rebecca. therefore i've decided to change my name to rebecca.

no, scratch that. i've decided to get back into my bed until spring. wake me up when the sun comes out.

I Can See Clearly Now or My Nose is Cold

it was my understanding that after the winter solstice, the sun is supposed to be out for more of the day. for those of you who can't remember, this is what the sun looks like:

see how happy she is? she just wants to come out and love us all, but NOOOO. mean man winter has to kick her ass with cloud coverage and early sunsets:and so i'm left in a downward spiral of depression and very few chocolates around to ease my pain. alas, what is one to do? if only there were a puppy to kick in the face.

and to top it all off, when i went to hula hoop today, the grass was closed at central park. how is the grass closed? it's a park! but this is the sign that was up:


needless to say, i was upset. it didn't help that the squirrels were laughing at me. stupid squirrels. anyway, i was forced to hula hoop on the mulch beside a tree near the sidewalk.

i looked like a crazy person.

and this is why we need to force our presidential candidates to actually get to the meat of the matter. we shouldn't be dallying with issues like "war" and "health care"--nay! we need to know where the candidates stand on such hot topic issues as where the hell am i supposed to hula hoop in the winter? what was the point of getting the fur-lined boots if i can't use them on the grass?! that is why i encourage you, my fellow americans, not to choose a candidate based on trivialities such as what s/he might do for you, rather pick the candidate that will free the grass and enable me to meditate on my lunch hour.


please. don't let the squirrels win.