West Coast Times or Hair Bidet, Gone Tomorrow

so, i'm in northern california right now, which is nice because it means that i don't have to deal with all of the terrible east coast humidity that makes my hair so frizzy:

of course, i couldn't bring my hair products in my carry-on bag, and i flew here using one of those great airlines that is now charging to check baggage, so my hair isn't doing so well, regardless:

but this isn't a posting about my hair. actually, it is, but it wasn't supposed to be....

so, i lived in southern california, as many of you know, and while i enjoyed many things about it, i also hated a few things, and a few more filled me with murderous rage. i'm not saying that i was forced to leave the state because i killed anyone or anything, but it is best that i travel under an alias while back in this part of the country. don't judge me.

but northern california is apparently a different place, entirely. now, i know a few people in this general region, and i've certainly been here several times prior to now, but i never noticed how...different it is until now.

to what am i referring?

today i used a toilet that not only had a built in seat warmer (his name is larry and he just hangs out there until you need to use the facilities, and then it's pre-warmed for you, thanks-very-much), but it was also a bidet. (you don't want to know that guy's name. frankly, he was pretty strange....)

so began the struggle. do i use it? do i not? do i dare to experience what could be the best or worst couple of seconds of my life or do i play it safe and go with what i know? if i use it, which one do i use? should i go for a straight shot or use the oscillating function? do i dare go european? i mean, there's no coming back from that, right? right??

to be honest, i'm more upset by the seat being warm than by the shooting water. shooting water just makes sense. i guess:

oh, these foreign places.