The Love Letter

dear sugar,

i woke up this morning with a buzzing in my head. coming into consciousness, i felt i was missing something, and i wanted desperately to hold onto it, but i couldn't quite recall what it was.

it was you.

i miss you. i miss you like an amputee misses her leg (assuming that's the appendage she no longer has). i miss waking up and having you there, the way you were always waiting with a smile. you always called. you always wanted to hang out, and you never stood me up. not once.

and i know that this is my fault, that i'm the one who drove you away. i insisted upon it, even. you wanted to stay. you said you would never leave me, and you meant it. but i was stubborn. i turned my back on you, and now my head aches and my body yearns for your sweet, sweet goodness.

i see you everywhere i turn. when i open my fridge, you are there. walking down the street, you are there. i see your sticky goodness coating the lips of children everywhere i go, and i long for the half-crazed frenzied look in their eyes.

i remember those highs so well....

the thing is, i miss you. i know, i know, i let you go. and it's only been three days (three days!), but i still remember the way life looked when you were around. now, the colors are duller. people are duller. my life feels...empty.

i wish i could have you back. i want to open my arms and ask you to jump into them. i want to let myself be human and ask you to return to me. but....

i can't.

there's too much at stake. so, i have to be strong, sugar. i have to say no to all of the sweetness and happiness you bring me. i have to accept this terrible headache that has been persisting over the past few days.

i will still smell you on the wind, and when i do, i will close my eyes, inhale deeply, and think:

cinnabon
haagen dasz
that fake maple syrup which is actually made from corn syrup
chocolate in all of its magnificent forms

i will remember you. please, please don't forget me....


love always,
erin