1. i'm lazy
2. i like affection, but only when i want it, not when you want it.
3. i lay in the sun whenever i can.
4. many, many naps.
5. i bite.
these are just a few examples, but you get the point. i've decided that i'm more like a kitten. you know how kittens look all innocent and cute? and you say to yourself
awwww! how adorable! i should pick up that sweet little kitten and pet it and love it and kiss its fuzzy little head.
and then as soon as you reach for the little furball, it whips out its curved little sharp-ass fangs and claws and mauls you to death. and you say to yourself:
ahhhhh! the pain! THE PAIN! what was i thinking??
but then five minutes later you repeat the whole scenario again because it looks so darn cute?
yeah.
as many of you know, i'm into knitting. i knit things in straight lines, mainly, so scarves are a specialty of mine. but i also knit for charity, for babies nonetheless, so that when i get onto the subway with my large ball of fluffy yarn and my itsy bitsy knitting needles, people's eyes get all soft and they want to know what i'm making.
this is useful because people get up if they think you're an adorable little kitten, and they give you their seat.
or, today at lunch. i was knitting and eating with my co-workers. when you have that fluffy ball of yarn out, you get to say mean things, and people get confused. because:
plus
is supposed to equal
but for me, as the feisty little devil kitten that i am, it equals this instead:
but for me, as the feisty little devil kitten that i am, it equals this instead:
oh the triumphs as feigning life as a good person. mwah-ha-ha!
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